Since I was a teenager I felt like I needed to become a certain type of person to be considered successful in our society. From the little things like joining certain clubs/organizations, to bigger things like choosing what degree to pursue and what university to attend, I felt like none of these decisions were 100% what my soul truly wanted. They were all made in order to get closer to this “ideal” person that I thought that I had to become. I was putting so much time and energy into these goals that were never my goals. I was living my life on autopilot without even realizing it. It wasn’t until my 20th birthday when I took a step back to review the past two decades of my life and all I could think was what the hell am I doing? Towards the end of my fall semester of my 2nd year at college, there wasn’t a sober moment where I didn’t feel incredibly anxious, depressed, and stressed out. I felt extremely unfulfilled in everything I did and I didn’t understand why. Shortly after the semester ended, I went to visit my cousin in Australia for what was suppose to be a simple 3 week vacation. I wasn’t expecting it, but from the very first day that I landed in the country, I felt like the light inside of me was glowing again.
What a beautifully liberating feeling it is to wake up in a city where no one knows who you are. When no one knows your past, you feel free to become the person that your soul wants to be. You know how it’s often easier to open up to a stranger rather than a close friend? Because a stranger has no expectations of you, they have nothing to judge you off of. You feel like a clean slate, an untouched canvas, a fresh new page on your book of life. It’s as if a wave has cleansed your soul and washed away all the pressures of your world. You gain the courage to talk to new people and try something different every single day. There is a fire in your eyes and the anxiety has morphed into adrenaline. You know you’ve been alive but you feel more awake and inspired today than the sum of every day before that.
Listen to your heart. Was it logical to suddenly pack up my bags, leave my college, two jobs, sorority, organizations, and all my friends and family to live in another country by myself at the age of 20? No, absolutely not. I had no job ready for me in Sydney, no apartment, no friends, and only one family member in the entire country. I was over 9,000 miles away from the people whom I loved most in the world. It sounds like the worst idea, but somehow it felt right in every single way. Call it God, the universe, destiny, whatever you may, but everything inside me was pushing me to take this leap of faith. Sometimes you just need to trust your instincts. I’m so grateful every single day that I took this chance because I know that if I didn’t I would’ve regretted it until the day I died. The experiences I’ve gone through while living here have pushed me closer to becoming the person who I want to be and the kind of life that I want to live.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it, sometimes it is terribly lonely. I’m lucky enough to have met so many beautiful souls since moving to Sydney, but it’s still not easy to be so far away from the people that you love most. That being said, starting out with no friends in the entire country really forces you to get out of your comfort zone. You can’t get discouraged and you can’t beat yourself up over not having strong connections right away. I truley believe that every soul that walks into your life is there on purpose. I try not to question the length of their stay in my life, or whether or not their impact on me should have been greater than it was. They were there at the right time for the perfect amount of time. People will come and go, and that’s not a bad thing, but the people who are meant to stay in your life will naturally grow with you.
Now, as much of a people-person as I am, moving here solo taught me how beautiful alone time can be. I honestly use to hate being by myself with just my thoughts to keep me company. Anxiety would fill me to the brim within a matter of seconds. After some time in Australia I realized I didn’t have much of a choice; I needed to overcome my fear of being alone or else I would never become the person who I wanted to be. Being completely alone is inevitable and it’s part of growing up. At the end of the day, the only person who’s going to be there for you is yourself. I know it’s not nice to think about, but one day for some reason or another, every single person in your life today will not be there anymore. You need to be living for you. I know you want your loved ones happy, but they have a life of their own and this one is yours so craft it how you want it. Take time to get to know your soul. Meditate and journal your thoughts. Be aware of the things that make you feel more alive and grab on to more of it. Treat your body and your mind and fill your heart with love. The life that shines in your eyes belongs to you and you alone. Treasure the life you’ve been given because it is all for you.
Here are some links to books that I love and have made an incredible impact in my life. I recommend them to anyone who wants to live happier. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have. ❤️